Tuesday, May 5, 2015


I was not the first one to ask him why he was doing this, he said. And that he was asked to get out there many times, but no, he wouldn't.

Not now anyway.

Questioning this guy was a tough task, one of the more difficult interviews I had done in a while. Truth be told, I'm not sure if it was a very good one, but here it is for you to judge yourself.
First I wanted to know what it actually was that he was doing there - not a good opener as it showed. His defences went up immediately.
"What kind of a question is that supposed to be! Can't you see?", he snapped.
I replied that as I found him in quite an unusual position, I thought it was fair to ask.
"First of all, it's really none of your business. Mind your own stuff, won't you? And besides, I'm quite sure what you really want to know is why I am doing this, so why didn't you ask straight away? Not that I am interested in letting you know. I strongly believe that it's important for everyone to keep their secret. Nowadays everyone seems to run around letting the whole world know every single move they do, I bet you're one of them, too. How very boring. You people think you take a quick look and it's enough to know everything. But I tell you something:
What you're seeing is only the top of the iceberg!"

The tip, I corrected him.

"Aaah Mister know-it-all. So I was right. The tip, the top, the tippitippi tip top. Is that how you do this? Ask questions and tell people how to answer? So you don't need me, do you? You'll make up your own story anyway, and write in your plock thing about how I am doing this silly thing. Because you don't understand. I will tell you no more than that I do have my reasons and if you can't see the big picture, it's really not my problem."

I stated that it was only natural to be curious and that if he had something to tell about his reasons, I was here to listen. But he replied:
"Oh, so you're curious! Well, I won't tell you - that's the point in keeping your secret, isn't it? I'm afraid you have to go home with your curiosity and deal with it. I have nothing more to say.
Think I really have to wiggle my toes now. Good bye."

The interview was over. I thought, maybe he was just trying to be interesting. Or maybe he was right. Who knows?

keeping his secret

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

to be me (a little horror story)

This morning, I woke up to find myself transformed into a most repulsive critter. My skin had turned into something utterly unfamiliar - one couldn't call this a "skin" at all, to be honest - and the number of my limbs was all wrong. I picked myself up and scuffled to the bathroom, trying to remember how I had spent the last evening.

I had no idea, really.

The bathroom mirror showed what could only be described as a monster. Was this my own reflection? My whole body had turned into some grotesque, revolting animal, weird things grew on my head and my eyes … wet, little watery beads without that  familiar glint of soul, life, or whatever you want to call it.

I had no idea what to do, so I decided to returnto my bedroom to calm down and ponder the situation. On the way back I heard the horrified screams of my family as they saw the state I was in. So I didn't hallucinate: they, too, saw my transformation, and they were appalled. I couldn't blame them.

I didn't think of myself as extremely handsome (I am quite cute, to tell the truth) – but the wobbly, watery thing I had become was just horrible. I went to my bedroom and heard the key turn in the lock right behind me. They didn't want me do get out again, at least until they'd have decided how to deal with the beast I had become, I figured. I heard their hushed voices behind the door. What would they resolve to do now? Would they get rid of me or would I be left alone, protected by my very ugliness, as nobody dared to come close to me, until, maybe, I'd be starved in my room?

With such sad thoughts I crawled back between the sheets, seeking comfort in some more sleep.

When I woke up about an hour or so later, I was back to normal. The same old Franz I was used to being, with these charming looks that (I must say) opened many a door for me in my life!

I'm happy to be me, believe me.
And don't eat too much before bedtime. It'll give you bad dreams.

cartoon bedbug
I'm happy to be me!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

his punk rocking heart

Okay, I guess it was not one of his best days. He was probably embarrassed that I caught him fluttering about on that sunlit spring clearing in the forest. A very joyful sight, I thought. But there is always more to it than meets the eye. Anyway, I involuntarily smiled at him (who wouldn't do that in my place?), and he asked me to stop showing my (...) teeth  at him. 
Not quite the reaction you'd expect at that moment. I put on as mean a face as I could and asked what the problem was. Honestly, the guy made me curious. Here is his story.

Roger* grew up in a simple little neighborhood not far from where we met. He spent his childhood without knowing his parents, which is not unusual in families like his. Like many of his age and species, his life was more or less about the old materialistic things, food, leaves, shelter, and avoiding the attention of the birds. He was a caterpillar (or "maggot" as he put it) like any other and ate a lot. A normal child.

He grew quickly and with every shed of skin he went through he wondered more what to be in his life. He hung around with new people, got curious about other ways of life, and ate a lot. One day he heard a buzzing bombardier beetle and was totally overwhelmed. Up to that time, music had never seemed an option to him. Sometimes it was even a rather scaring thing to him, especially bird song. That buzzing beetle really opened a door to new worlds for Roger!  Here was something he could do.
From that day, Roger did pretty much avoid his kind, who definitely frowned at his new interest in music and his new friends. The danger connected to music in general made the idea even more appealing to him. There was excitement. Adventure. A way to shock the boring crowd he came from. Roger started to wear carefully ragged clothing, acted rude, hung around with mean maggots and ate a lot. He wanted to grow to be a big, bad, punk rocking beetle. He also played the drums a lot, and with remarkable talent. Music was his life, and the more people hated it, the bigger was his motivation to do it. Like so many youngsters, Roger needed to rebel, and now he had found a way.

As time passed Roger and his friends (who were very much of the same age) felt that their childhood days would soon come to an end, and it was time to make the "transition", which would leave them hamstrung for quite a while, so they made an appointment: After all was over they would rejoin and form a band! That being said, they separated and did what had to be done to grow up.

At the meeting, Roger found that his old buddies, who had all grown up to be mean looking insects, didn't want him any more. His drumming was still excellent, but they seemed to be embarrassed at the idea of performing with him on stage. Apparently he didn't have "the looks". Roger tried to wear a mask on stage, but in the end they found another drummer, and Roger was left alone.

So every now and then, he joyfully flutters about on that sunlit clearing (it's his nature after all), and he hates it. If you meet him, make sure you wear a proper frown. It'll make his punk rocking heart happy.

*name changed by the deer

he was almost in the band.

Friday, May 2, 2014

the famous insect

Everybody in the forest used to laugh about this little insect. He took images of himself wherever he would go.
Now there is this show about the "selfie" phenomenon in Berlin, and WOW!
Right where all the insect selfies are, there it is in the exhibition, for the world to see! They say, everybody should have their fifteen minutes of fame in their lives. If you have the chance to come to Berlin these days, you can see it at the pictoplasma portrait gallery at Kaufhaus Jandorf, Brunnenstrasse.
Stop by and say hello!

(Edit: meanwhile the exhibition is over. But the selfies go on!)

(Photo courtesy of gurkensalat.)

insect selfie at pictoplasma
Look at me, world!

Monday, April 7, 2014

blend in and survive

Let's go over there, I feel more comfortabel talking to you whithout all the world watching. You never know.

Safety first, this is what I'd say if I was to give you an advice. Nothing personal, sir, but these antlers ... it looks to me like you're really exposing yourself too much.
My opinion of course. No offense intended.

No, no, I'm perfectly fine with the interview, don't have anything to hide, do I? It's important for the little guy on the street to get himself heard, right? In a way it's the duty of the average person like me to tell our little things to blogwriting people like you, even if they wear fancy antlers. Oh, don't be upset, please, I didn't mean to ... you're not? Really?
Basically, there's nothing to be afraid if, after all we do have freedom of talk, don't we? It's just - well, this will be published, right? So if you'd be so kind to not mention my name? Is that acceptable for you?
You may get a false impression here: I am not easily frightened. Not at all. If necessary I can be very courageous, ask anybody. But am not blind, I read the news. There are people out there, who are (how do I put this, I don't want to upset anybody) – well people you don't want to get into a conflict with, you know what I mean? Best not to get noticed at all. Like, not seeking the danger, it looks like the best way to live to me. To stay out of trouble and safe my braveness for the really important causes. Don't tell anybody, but I really am a hero deep inside. I feel this heroic flame in my heart, in a way. Sounds a bit overblown, but that is how I feel. Well, that's something I better keep to myself.

I've heard a song about how it's not easy being green because you blend in with many things, I don't see what's wrong with that? I personally am not green, but see what I wear. Pretty clever, huh?
Some shelter, some camouflage, nothing fancy or flashy. This way I can blend in and survive and be brave in private and undisturbed. Like I said, safety first.

And think about those antlers.

hermit crab
deep inside, I am a hero

Friday, March 28, 2014

I look just like him

I know, I've heard it before. I don't watch a lot of TV, but it seems like I look a lot like the guy. He must be quite famous, isn't he?
I thought so.

But I am not that talented, I don't think I am suited for the 'show business', as it's called. I'm more the stay-at-home type. Boring, if that's what you want to call it. I just don't like all this excitement and attention, I think it's better to stay in my place.

But it's tempting. To think I could – just theoretically, you know what I mean? – I could take advantage of it? All it would take would be a slight change of clothing and I'd probably look exactly like the guy. Well, up to now I could resist doing that. I just figure that someone who's become that famous a celebrity must be good looking and sympathetic and – how do they call it? – cool in a general way. So maybe I am a little bit like this. Feels good to think so. A great lot of my family are into the sanitizing business, no actors or singers I've heard of; personally I feel that I am more inclined towards the field of "wellness" and such, something clean and healthy, working with people, you know?

Can't hurt to come across as a cool and handsome type then, what do you think? Who knows, maybe it will help me in the end.

I wouldn't want to trade places with that actor guy though, I'm just too shy for that kind of life. Still it's a bit flattering to hear I look so much like him.

What's his name again?

George Clooney?

handsome and generally cool

Thursday, January 30, 2014

millions can't be wrong

Sorry, I was kind of buzzy lately, can we do the interview now? OK.

You know what strikes me as odd? It's all the talking about money. So many people take it much too serious, I think. Like it's all that matters. "Money makes the world go 'round" - don't they say this? It's some primate saying, I believe.

Oops - I know you don't write about them here; but is it okay for me to mention 'em? You know what I mean - the "H" word. Honestly, they are all over the place. We all know that and try our best to either get along or ignore it. But I'm aware you're focussing on normal people here. You can just edit this out if you need to.

Anyway - obviously money isn't as big a thing as these people think. So many are obsessed with it, I've seen 'em kill each other, can you believe it? For a bundle of crumpled paper!

Now we know what matters in life. It's just like they say: we're millions and so many of us just can't be wrong. Rich or poor - from my point of view it does make some difference (richer isn't always better I must say), it must be something about the diet. But it's not vital, believe me - I've been to the gutter and I've been to Broadway, I have pretty much seen it all. Money is just not the point.

You know, we are everywhere, we are many, looking down to this world through billions of small eyes. Most folks don't even notice we're there, but we are - and we see all this mess. It makes you laugh, can't help it! We are the ones you should ask what really counts.

I give you a hint: it's not true that it doesn't reek. Haha. Gotta live, that's it, you see? Money or no money, you need food and a warm place, something to buzz for and your crowd and you're fine. You don't get that from printed pieces of paper, you need something real, don't you? Warm and soft and with a flavour. You know what I'm talking about: It's life!

So that's my two cents (no pun intended here). Gotta whirr off. See you!

I've been to Broadway.