Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the token jellyfish

Okay, they want me to put in my two cents to this blog. I suspect I am a kind of a token here – I’m the first water animal here, no?

Excuse me for not counting the bird in a submarine here. Funny.
The deer told me that they make a point of not featuring humans here, which seems bizarre at first glance. But after I recovered from my laughing fit and I did read a bit in the blogs all around, it looks indeed like humans are over-represented there. Just – sorry, but honestly, they all look alike. Me, I’ve been around the block a few times, I wouldn’t say vertebrae, but mammals? No chance, they are so similar really. I mean I read it and it seems to matter to them but put a deer in my face and tell me its a turkey, I won’t notice probably.

Oh, turkey isn’t a mammal? There you go.

It’s all about the point of view, you see? We are neglected by these people. it’s not like we are a minority on this planet, are we? A few warm-blooded creatures went to the dry areas (why would anybody do so in the first place?), developed some primitive technology and immediately forgot about the rest of us.

So if there is something for me to tell here, it’s this: Peace, man. We are all carbon-derived life forms after all (okay, most of us are), so let’s try to get along. Just don’t forget time didn’t stand still in the ocean. We are still here. Respect us.
And if those humans are bothering you, you do have these submarines …

Just kidding.

did you notice you all look alike?

Friday, August 26, 2011

but underneath …

He, Gringo, what’s up?
All pretty caramba around here-io, no?

O.K., I admit, I’m not from this area and I try to mix in a bit.
When you’re in Rome …
What? You‘ve never seen a hat like that around here? Well, then it's about time to open your eyes, smarty. You call it silly? A disguise? Oh, I understand.

You have probably never heard of style, have you? This phenomenous hat makes me a man of class and substance, it adds that certain flavour to my personality. When I enter a room wearing it, I feel eyes turning to me, people holding to their wine glasses in awe and respect: They realize, in an instant of immediatelyness, that someone BIG just crossed their ways, and they probably feel their simple little lives will never be the same again. My aura – stretching out even beyond it’s ample brim – fills the room and they treat me to some ice cream.
(which, by the way, doesn’t melt so fast in the shadow of my grande hat.)

Hasta la vida, like they say here. I bet you‘ll get yourself a hat now.

Thanks for the ice cream.

the gentleman and his hat

Thursday, August 25, 2011

uncanny rabbits

They are out there every night.
Simply sit in the grass, under the moonlight or in the rain, every day.
Probably harmless. Just meeting, talking about their next gathering, chatting like this:

»When is our next appointment, the three of us? In whatever weather conditions there may be...«
»Well afther the hurly and thso on. When the carrotte is lost and, hopefully, wonne again.«
»I liketh carrots.«
(agreeing noises  from the others)
»That maketh it about ere the set of sunne then, huh? After tea-time?«
»Okay we have a time now. But where the place?«
»Now what a questhion? This is the best plathe. I don't want to meet thsomewhere else.«
»So the heath again. Well … exciting … but if you like it.«  
(shrugs, as far as rabbits can do that)
»There to meet with fresh carrots?«
»I liketh carrots. I come.«
»Hold it, grey!«
(all three giggle like teenagers – suddenly silence)
»The aire is foule. Filthy, I’d say.«
»Don’t look at me like that. It came from over there.«

Then they leave, and they will be there tomorrow, same time, on the grass. Something is odd about them, I can't help it.

when the hurley-burley’s done.

Friday, August 19, 2011

fairy tales

My niece used to be such a nice and friendly girl. But then, about a year ago, she started to hang out with these weird people. Mostly fairies and elves, from what I’ve heard.

I saw her last week, hardly recognized her at all. I mean she looked like in the magazines she’s probably reading, like a model. All glittery and horse-like, with shiny fur and horn polish and all. And she lost so much weight, I wonder if she ever eats! I guess it’s the folks she is with, that is another world, very glamourous and, well, fake. Nobody looks like that in real life, it is just impossible.

But these young girls, they believe they can transform into what they see in the magazines by doing horrible things to themselves, and they never realize they are trying to match what is nothing but an artificial image that never existed in reality.

And the fairies encouraged her to that. It’s sad. But try to talk to her, she won’t listen. We are wonderful creatures the way we are. Can’t improve that.

I’m afraid she has to find out by herself.
Hope she’ll make it...

the truth about unicorns

Thursday, August 11, 2011


I admit I should choose my words with more caution.

To a degree, we all seem to assume that the other understands what we mean. Nothing wrong with it, this is how communication works, basically … As long as it doesn’t require mind-reading, it ’s fine. Most of the times. Just sometimes we use these metaphors, images, how ever it is called, these things everybody says all the time and you would never think of somebody not getting that it isn’t meant the way we put it. But this is just an assumption. You never know.

I’ve always relied on: If they don’t get it, they’ll ask. Forgot that someone might get it wrong, and not notice.

This friend of mine (former friend, I should probably say by now), he came along and asked me for a favour. No problem, I am happy to help, but he asked me for my assistance quite a few times before and this time he could help me, too, so I asked him for a favour in return.
Or that was what I intended to say. As I mentioned, I should've chosen my words with more caution.

On the other hand: look at me.
Would I ask someone to scratch my back?

look at me.

Monday, August 1, 2011

rock star

You have been one of ther most influential musicians of the last decades, critics found that you captured the spirit of a whole generation like very few bands in popular music. How do you feel when people compare you to, say, Harry and the Hairballs or Claws, just to name a few.

(laughs) well, who wrote that? Anyway, someone seems to like what we do. Cool.

Did becoming the superstar you are now change your life a lot? I know, this must be a question you are asked quite often in interviews like ours. 

Yes. Quite often.

I would like to ask you a few questions about your private life, the person you are when you’re not on stage, and how being as popular as you are affects your life as compared to the lifes that we, who do not stand in the spotlight of the mass media, know.

Oh. Why do you think this is interesting?

I’m sure our readers would like to know how your life is, compared to their own lifes, it might make them feel like they know you. Many of them are your fans, you know…

So you assume your readers are interested. How about you, you are a journalist, do you…

You know, I do this a lot. I ask these questions to some very popular person and our readers seem to like that. I help you celebrities get more and more popular and nobody remembers my name, ever. It’s not like I expect to reveal any groundbreaking news doing this.

So you would rather ask critical questions? Discover dark secrets? What are your dreams and hopes, what did make you want to become a journalist?

It is what I do best. I told stories as long as I can think, used to make up tales and told them to my hamster when I was a kid.
After school I dreamed of becoming an author, write a great novel and get the recognition I deserve, that sort of thing, you know? You must understand I come from a very simple background, we never had much money. Finally my parents convinced me to get into journalism. It puts bread on the table and I'm still able to write. You know what it’s like (or maybe not, I don’t know).
So I am in this field now, but I can do better. I know that one day I will get my chance to write „the“ big story. There is more to journalism than interviewing rock stars and I know I am good. Just waiting for my great moment. You’ll see!

I am sure you’ll get your chance. Our time is over, gotta get on stage now. Thank you for this interview.

But I …

get on stage now