business

psst. Come over here. I've got an offer that you might be interested in…

Yeah, you. Who else? There's nobody around but the two of us.

I don't like doing business in public, It's not my style, man. Walls have ears … With that exclusive offer I'm gonna offer you, you don't want all the world to listen, they'll only try to get it first. But it's just for you, for you are a special friend.

You've never seen me? Relax, man, I make friends quickly.

You and me, we're one of a kind, It's obvious, can't deny that. I have special antennae for someone with an keen sense for the perfect opportunity. You're my deer, man! And once I told you my price, you'll think you're in heaven. It's not even covering my expenses. But you know - I see it in your heart that you're a good person, so I do this for you. You have no idea how hard it is to get this kind of stuff, I have the best connections, and still - what have I been through to get this for you! You really, really can be grateful to know me, my friend. 

Could make a fortune with a quality like this, on the free market. But I don't want to make a profit with a friend, hence the special offer!

Technically, this is how we do it: you pay me upfront and we meet tomorrow, same time same place, and I'll give it to you.

What is it? Are you serious? Look at me, I'm an honest man. You can trust me!

you have no idea how hard it is to get this kind of stuff.

animals anonymous

First thing: I only agree to this interview if I am guaranteed that my identity will not be reveiled. You must understand that I'm in a … let's say I am in a high position, kind of exposed if that's how you want to put it. I do feel obliged to tell the truth, draw all these doings to the light. Still, I've got to be careful, you know, protect myself.

Hence the mask. No, It's not halloween, don't be silly! This is serious, I will not talk to you if you don't respect this. Nobody must never not know who I possibly couldn't be under this disguise. It's a matter of my own security. I won't bargain about this point.

After all, I know … things … you can't imagine what I see, from my angle … all the connections! It's so important for the world to know, so I will be the one to speak out loud. I can see what happens when they find out who I am, though: this must never be allowed to happen. And, being so smart and knowing all the things I know, I found ways to make sure nobody could ever guess or even know who or what I am in „real life“. A perfect disguise. The ultimate camouflage.

(Needless to say, outside of this room: No names. I was never here. We've never met. You know that, you're a pro, I can tell.) So let's start: Do you want to ask questions first or should I just tell my story?

What do you mean, this is enough for you to write about? I didn't even ...

I found the perfect disguise

a long way

In case you either know children or you were a child at some time in your life, you know how large the world is when you're small. Consequently, the distances to be covered are long, resulting in a tendency to complain about the inacceptably long time spent walking around.

 All this inspired me to write (and, of course, illustrate) a storybook about a small boy complaining and how the issue is solved. I am very proud to announce that it has been published in July, 2012, by the small but great publisher Stachelbart-Verlag.
For now, my book is available in german only. If one day more languages will be available, I will write so in my blog.

weird creatures included

next time we'll make an appointment

Listen, I have too many things to attend to today, I really haven't got any time for this at all. Go interview somebody else, really, you have no idea what's going on in my life at the moment.

Nobody asks me how I manage this, really, it's basically impossible – you can't be at five places at the same time, can you? Oh, don't ask how I do it. Actually, figuring out what to do first takes so long, imagine all the things I could get done in the meantime. And then, all the tasks I can't cram into my busy day have to be postponed till tomorrow and who is sitting there figuring out how to organize this?

 Your's truly.

Ha, and here I am, hurrying from lunchtime to dinner and you come along asking me for an interview. Right now. Great. You really want to mess up my time schedule, do you? You could have asked before, sorry, I can't tell you a single word now.

No time.

Honestly, life has become so complicated these days, it takes forever just to care for the bare necessities – they call this »progress«, I believe. I don't know, I don't see much improvement. Look at this fast-living, stressful world. Everything is so exhausting nowadays, millions of details to take care of, but who cares how I do it? Nobody ever asks me how I feel about all this. And then someone like you comes along and just assumes I have nothing better to do than answer your interview questions.

Wonderful. Next time tell me before.

Gotta go now, I am in a hurry, you know?

drums

From the very start on, even when he was a little child, Diego showed a special talent for rhythm. He did o.k. in school, just average you'd say, but when it came to music, there was no denying that this was exactly what he was born for.

Diego would take any instrument, out of natural curiosity, try it and instantly come up with something that sounded like music of some kind ...

But really, rhythm was his passion. He used to tap and drum on everything that lend itself to it (and, let's face it, there aren't so many things that don't), sometimes including his younger siblings. At more than one point his parents considered sedative medication to „help him to fit in better“.

He did not get any special musical education. Well, history is full of evidence that this will not stop real talent from evolving. Later he would read everything he could get his hands on (no pun intended), as long as it related to music, absorb any information he overheard, listen to music, and learn.

Diego left school as early as possible, went to town and started to play in any band that didn't forcefully stop him. He grew, he learned, he got known for his style. Diego was happy – poor, but happy. Before too long, he was the best known free jazz percussionist in town.

Well, best known by the musicians. His complex rhythmic patterns and grooves, admired by his fellow musicians, were considered rather tiresome by the general audience. This way, he had to realize, he would be starving in the end.

Today, Diego still isn't rich, but he's making a living. Just sometimes he regrets he did not become an accountant or an engineer. He really hates playing in that mariachi band.

Diego makes a living

brave

All his life, Barnaby had suffered from this horrible fear of birds. It was a kind of instinct, some uncontrollable, deep horror passed on to him from his ancestors. From some long forgotten, ancient time when birds were a threat to them. A terrible threat. To the point that the fear of them became their nature. It went into their blood to be inherited by their decendants all the way down to Barnaby.

It didn't help him that everybody confirmed him there was nothing to be afraid of. Not that he didn't know! But telling him so just made him feel even more like a weirdo. He asked himself what was wrong with him, why he couldn’t relax like the rest of the world.

What was it that made him freak out with panic at the sight of a few feathers? This was not normal. He was not normal, he began to think.

He had heard that there were more people who are afraid of birds. There was a latin word for it, it sounded very important and he forgot it on the spot. Barnaby didn’t believe it anyway, he had never met one of these people.

He had also read that there was a direct line from the dinosaurs to the birds and that it was possible that there was still an achaic fear of these primeval monsters that some people were able to feel to this day.

Barnaby was not afraid of dinosaurs. He was afraid of birds.

One day he realized that he had to make a choice. He could yield to his obscure anxiety and try to avoid anything bird-related for the rest of his life, forever a prisoner of whatever it was that haunted him. Or prove to himself that there was nothing to be afraid of.

He decided to confront his worst nightmare. This was the day when Barnaby became a hero.

barnaby was brave

the trick

It’s not so hard to do.
You've got to know that I really, really love the subject, it must be in my genes.

And if you are so much into something, it's just natural to try the possibilities. Play. Go new ways. Find the limits, and – try to see what's beyond. I don't mean to be bragging, but honestly: many people have told me they never saw anything like my performance. Did you?

I know we are often viewed with a certain sense of contempt, people don't exactly like us. We're not cute or fluffy, so many things seem to come down to your visual appearance. The number of legs seems do make a difference, too.

Superficiality. It's kind of sad. We're not even much of a minority, but still live the lives of underdogs. Mostly unnoticed by the public, and not very popular once they get aware of us.

So, I guess seeing someone like me capable of this strikes the average viewer as surprising. Still – as I said before – for me it is not a big deal.

I just love these things!

it must be in my genes

subway drawing

Sometimes I’m asked where I find all the animals I draw.

Well, they are all around me. To prove this, I did participate in art house's sketchbook project with a book that was supposed to be about things found under car seats.
When it arrived, I noticed that I don't have a car, so this book was entirely drawn on site in the subway (which is also a good excuse for many wobbly lines).
It’s amazing how many different creatures you can meet there...

Here is a sample of my sketchbook along with a link to the project page, if you want to have a look:

but I don't have a car

sand

I know what this looks like. I couldn’t match the stereotype any better and, honestly, these things don't make it easier for me.

People like you always want simple explanations, maybe ask yourself why this is the case. Like, are you capable to handle the true complexity of things … Did it ever occur to you who does all the sand examination? And don't tell me you didn't know sand has to be examined to properly lie around. Especially in conditions of danger. This has to be done by someone, and that someone is me.

Not that I am the bravest one in this desert, I don't take any more risk than necessary, but that's just reasonable behaviour, no? No need to call me a coward. It’s all about sand examination in potentially risky conditions. Plus, from a more existentialist approach: Is danger even existing when there is no one there observing it? Of course not, because then nobody is there to be the object of danger. So if a person is present but refuses to take notice of danger, does that mean…?

You see, this is where I join in for empirical studies. Philosophical basic research, ground examination, sandology and a dozen even more complicated things I don’t start to bother trying to explain to you.

Chicken? Read your ornithology books!

empirical low-risk sandology