totem

The plesiosaur's story kept on bugging me. Do you remember the plesiosaurus?
First I just thought he was just a quirky guy. But what if he had a point? I did, like most people, I suppose, lead a life based on decisions I had never really thought about. Did I become someone who wasn't I? Who am I anyway? What am I all about? The true self?
These were the questions that started to work my mind.

I knew, sooner or later I needed to go on a quest for myself.
So I tried different things. I ate substances I don't want to talk about here. I attached my head to weird technical devices nobody could explain sufficiently. I froze and sweated, attended several courses about several ways to find several sorts of truths and spent a fortune on it; I even found a horse that didn't bear a name and we travelled through some really, really barren landscape for a few days. (I didn't sit on it of course. Honestly, how would that look?)

Then I met that shaman.
The shaman told me about the totems.
He said, we all have our totem. An animal or being that represents where we originally stem from.
Not like grandpa, more like the primary root of our soul. Meeting my totem would reveal what I am all about.
Now that sounded more like what I was looking for.  The shaman agreed to help me find it.

Again I froze and sweated and went through more uncomfortable things. I began getting used to this, still I don't know why it helps. But that's the way to do it, said the old man.
I followed his advice, since I really wanted an answer to my question.
In the end I was back to the desert (without the horse this time). This time I was prepared for all I knew, there was nothing left to do but wait for my totem to appear. The shaman affirmed that it would come for sure, but I might need some patience.

First I was excited. Then I became calmer. Bored. Tired. And very thirsty. I sweated. I was cold. Days went by.

In the end I gave up.

That was the moment my totem appeared.
I was very surprised, I must say.
I got my answer now. I'm just not sure what to make of it.

The answer to my questions.

not so alone

I don't see any reason to freak out like this. Calm down and think what it really means, you'll see it is a good thing.

First of all, this probably isn't new, it's well possible that it has been going on like this forever. Did it bother anybody before we found out?
Not really. See?

Next, they are not doing anything as far as we know. I mean, they don't seem to interfere. So where's the problem?

One may be inclined to ask what they're up to. Well, I can assure you, I've been told that they definitely have got their reasons to be here and do what they're doing, but it really doesn't matter much to us. It's best to keep calm and mind our own businesses, we wouldn't understand anyway, so I've been told. Why should we assume there is any danger?  Personally, I think it is an improvement.

Why?
Well, there are times in life when things don't work out that well, we feel down and depressed and all bad – and that is when we tend to think that nobody cares for us and we're all alone in this cold, not-at-all-caring world and that nobody is interested even if we live or die or what. You know that. Everybody does. Don't you, too, wish for somebody to be aware of you when you're down there in that dark hole? But now you know, they are there. Interested. Aware. Taking notice of everything.
It means we're not so alone.

And they don't interfere. But some people, sometimes, forget who they are and where they belong. There is a temptation to try crazy things, become all wild and mad and unreasonable. This is dangerous, it threatens the order of things. Bad things can happen. Now when they know there are these observers, that all we say or do is being noticed – I am sure it will make them think twice about trying things that are not normal.

Personally, I feel safer this way.

So, just because we don't fully understand what is going on and why, we don't need to be afraid. This is just fear of the unknown. Silly.

We should be happy to know that there is someone watching over us.

just watching.

between the bubbles

Let me tell you why I'm doing this. There is a story to it, believe it or not.

At one point in my life, I looked at myself and found that  I was stuck. I just couldn't go on like this, maybe you know how it is. (I imagine I was not the only one who lived like this.)

One decides for a direction, rather thoughtlessly, and then one keeps doing what one's doing. On and on, just because it is what you've always done.
Before you know, it becomes part of you, you are what you do, it seems like we can't help moving in the same direction although we never really made a decision about it. The things we do result in new tasks that keep us busy, and make us do more things and one leads to another.

I found that I kept going but didn't have the slightest idea where to. So I had to take a step back. And another one. And one more.

I needed to get acquainted to the elements, you know? The origins. The core of it all.
We all came from the water at one time.

So here I am, on the sacred quest to my true self. I will not fear any hardships or obstacles to find it.
It may look like I'm merely having fun, just because I'm facing my task with a brave smile on my face.

I hope you understand now, that there is so much more to it. Now if you would leave me alone, please, I find it hard to meditate in the presence of a dry stranger who isn't sharing my mission.

I know this looks like fun.