I look just like him

I know, I've heard it before. I don't watch a lot of TV, but it seems like I look a lot like the guy. He must be quite famous, isn't he?
I thought so.

But I am not that talented, I don't think I am suited for the 'show business', as it's called. I'm more the stay-at-home type. Boring, if that's what you want to call it. I just don't like all this excitement and attention, I think it's better to stay in my place.

But it's tempting. To think I could – just theoretically, you know what I mean? – I could take advantage of it? All it would take would be a slight change of clothing and I'd probably look exactly like the guy. Well, up to now I could resist doing that. I just figure that someone who's become that famous a celebrity must be good looking and sympathetic and – how do they call it? – cool in a general way. So maybe I am a little bit like this. Feels good to think so. A great lot of my family are into the sanitizing business, no actors or singers I've heard of; personally I feel that I am more inclined towards the field of "wellness" and such, something clean and healthy, working with people, you know?

Can't hurt to come across as a cool and handsome type then, what do you think? Who knows, maybe it will help me in the end.

I wouldn't want to trade places with that actor guy though, I'm just too shy for that kind of life. Still it's a bit flattering to hear I look so much like him.

What's his name again?

George Clooney?

handsome and generally cool

the order of things

William came home from another long and messy business trip and just before he opened his front door, when he noticed his neighbor, Mr. Nelson. Mr. Nelson was out on his front yard, mowing his lawn.

This is odd, William thought.

Instead of opening the door, he turned around and went back to the bus station. Next to it was a little shop that sold newspapers, candy bars and a limited assortment of groceries. William had hardly ever been inside, but he knew where it was.
William went inside and studied the frontpages of the newspapers. Hm, just what I suspected, he thought to himself. Then he asked the shopkeeper, just to make sure.

»'cuse me, which day of the week is it?«
»It’s Monday. Would you like to buy a newspaper, sir?«
»Hm, I thought so. No thanks, I don’t read much.«, William replied and headed back home.

So it was monday. Why would anyone mow his lawn on a monday? Weird. William was deeply confused. It was his conviction that there is a natural order to things that mustn’t be messed with. He slowly trodded towards his front door, keys in his hand, passing Mr. Nelson a second time, who was still busy mowing his front door lawn. Absently he greeted him.
»Arrr!«
»Arr, William. Back from your trip?«
William opened the door and walked inside.

William was deeply confused.

adorable

Excuse me, you don’t know what it means to be this pretty.

I feel the eyes of everyone on me, all the time. I don’t even dare to go out so much, it really is such a heavy burden. All that greed, the envy, the desire. The admirers. The ones that are intimidated. The phantasies that my looks seem to trigger.

Nobody treats me like a normal person, that’s the bottom line. Can anyone of you imagine what it is like to live like that, every day of my life?

Of course not, how would you.

Why is it so hard to comprehend that it is not a crime to be as gorgeous as I am? I can’t help it, I didn’t mean to be of mesmerizing beauty, sorry to be born that way. I just want to be accepted as a person, am I asking for too much?

But I see everybody change when I get into sight, feel you all getting so tense. Why don’t you relax and give me a chance to show who I am? Most of you probably assume me to be vain, stupid or arrogant, whatever. It’s just a surface, you might find out there is a sensitive and vulnerable being inside this perfectly shaped body of mine. 

This is so sad ...

mesmerizing beauty

the token jellyfish

Okay, they want me to put in my two cents to this blog. I suspect I am a kind of a token here – I’m the first water animal here, no?

Excuse me for not counting the bird in a submarine here. Funny.
The deer told me that they make a point of not featuring humans here, which seems bizarre at first glance. But after I recovered from my laughing fit and I did read a bit in the blogs all around, it looks indeed like humans are over-represented there. Just – sorry, but honestly, they all look alike. Me, I’ve been around the block a few times, I wouldn’t say vertebrae, but mammals? No chance, they are so similar really. I mean I read it and it seems to matter to them but put a deer in my face and tell me its a turkey, I won’t notice probably.

Oh, turkey isn’t a mammal? There you go.

It’s all about the point of view, you see? We are neglected by these people. it’s not like we are a minority on this planet, are we? A few warm-blooded creatures went to the dry areas (why would anybody do so in the first place?), developed some primitive technology and immediately forgot about the rest of us.

So if there is something for me to tell here, it’s this: Peace, man. We are all carbon-derived life forms after all (okay, most of us are), so let’s try to get along. Just don’t forget time didn’t stand still in the ocean. We are still here. Respect us.
And if those humans are bothering you, you do have these submarines …

Just kidding.

did you notice you all look alike?

free as a bird

I ’dont mind flying, it is not what people imagine, but it’s OK. Just don’t give me that „free bird“ crap. That is made up by people who are just envious ’cause they can’t do it themselves. Just try flapping your arms for an hour, you’ll see what I mean. It is exhausting. Big time.
Plus, just because we can fly, it doesn’t mean we can do what we want. Still gotta build that nest, stuff these beaks, lay those eggs, you know what I mean? I’m lucky I don’t have to migrate like the other guy, would be too much for me.
They say that the early bird catches the worm. True. I’m not a morning person, myself, and I can’t see what is so bad about people throwing breadcrumbs from the bridge. Leave the worms to the early birds, I say. Honestly, would you eat worms? Uuh!

Like I said, I don’t mind flying, just there are these days when I simply can’t get myself around to … guess you know what it’s like. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not exactly lazy. I just don’t like work too much. Flying is a great thing. I love to watch them do it.

I don’t fly today

difficult conversation

He obviously had a hard time with the hot summer weather. Something seemed exotic or strange about him. I watched for a while, but as I suspected him to notice me staring at him, I brought myself to ask him where he came from.
»Tibet«, he replied curtly.
»Oh, I guessed you come from far away. So are you a political refugee?«
»Not into politics. Don’t like them.«

It has always been my conviction that it is wrong to just mind one’s own business, as we are all affected by the decisions made in the political realm, but I didn’t know the guy and to avoid an argument, I decided to change subjects. (He also seemed to be a lot stronger than I am, by the way.)

»So why did you come to our forest then?« I asked.
»Travelling.« He didn’t seem to be much of a talker. I tried something else.
»So what do you do for a living? It must be very expensive for you to travel so far, you must be doing well. How do you pay off your credit card?« (One of the few things I know about Tibet is that it is not a rich country.)
»Credit card??« There was a fierce gleam in his eyes. Not a good idea to talk about money to a stranger. So another quick change of subject.
»So how do you like it here?« There we go: your all-time favourite standard question to a tourist. »Good to get away from all the snow for a while, huh?«
»Snow. Really fond of it … I miss snow …« was he sobbing?
»Come on! A man like you!« I tried.
»I’m not a man. I’m a girl« it whined.
I was puzzled. That was quite a beard for a girl! But I kept this thought to myself and stayed with the nice and safe tourist questions.
»Where do you plan to go next?« I asked.

This time she smiled.
»London. I’ve been told it is a cool place.«, was her reply.
»It is so hot here«, she added.
»You shouldn’t wear that fur coat in summer«, I told her.

»Fur coat?«

going to a cool place